Our 35 Week Birth Story

It has been almost 5 months since our little guys were born..... I am currently watching them sleep peacefully next to each other. Two little blessings. It has been insanely busy since their arrival. There are some days when I am unable to get out of my robe (currently wearing) or even remember to brush my teeth (remembered today).

Their birth story....

My hubby and I were watching The Bachelor....watching Ben Higgins make poor life choices (JoJo I thought was the obvious choice ;) and I had noticed that my tummy was tightening. That was it. Everyone kept telling me that I would 'just know' when I was in labor. I then started to time everything......my tummy was tightening for 1 minute every six minutes. As a first time pregnant lady, I had no idea what this meant. I called the hospital and was told that my phone call would be returned. An hour passed. My hubby and I considered going to bed...it was almost 11 pm at this point, and the idea sounded lovely. However, my instincts were telling me that something was not right, so I called the hospital again and waited for the midwife to call me back. When she did, I told her about my tightening, and she told me that it would not be a bad idea to come in and get checked out. So we hopped in the car, without our hospital bag, because we assumed that we would be heading home later. Boy, were we were wrong. We arrived around 1 am and within a half hour of getting there, they informed me that our boys would be delivered within the next hour. At this point, I was terrified and began crying....I was only 35 weeks! Would our boys be okay? We were assured they would be.

An hour later (like the doctors had said) we were rolled into the operating room for a c-section. Baby B was breech, but we had long before decided on a c-section. At this point I was pretty doped up, crying, watching out of the corner of my eye all the nurses, doctors, and others help prepare as they tugged on my insides (it was such an odd feeling). Before we knew it, Baby A was delivered at 2:22 am weighing over 5 lbs and Baby B was delivered at 2:24 am weighing in at 6 lbs. Good size babies! I quickly got to see them both for a brief moment, to get a family photo, before they whisked them away from me. An alarm rang and I listened to the hustle and bustle of the professionals as they informed me that all was alright, but Baby B had to be taken to the NICU : his lungs were wet and he was unable to breathe on his own. I was devastated.

The four days that we spent at the hospital were a blur. I was in so much pain, drugged up, and crying the entire time. It was hard to have one baby in your arms and the other down the hall hooked up to a machine. I felt extreme guilt. I was constantly wheeled back and forth because I could not fathom the idea of not being near my other little guy. Luckily, Baby B was a champ. The next day he began to breathe on his own and ripped the C-Pap out with his tiny fingers. The doctors were impressed, but our new problem was that he could not eat on his own. 

So, our little one spent 10 days in the NICU. I knew that he was in good hands, but the extreme guilt and sadness was overwhelming. I cried all the time....especially since I was only able to visit twice (the drive was far, my c-section healing was not going so well, and I did not want to travel in our Michigan weather with a newborn...especially into a hospital).  Luckily, my hubby was able to go every day to hang out and take care of him. Most days he got there at 8 am and left after our baby's last tube feeding. The nurses taught him how to take his temperature, feed, change his diaper, and even hold on to our little one, which was a little tricky will all of the tubes and wires he was hooked up to. I was happy that he was getting physical contact and my hubby learned a lot from our amazing nurses, to the point where he was giving me advice on how to change diapers, feed and even burp them. It was cute and annoying at the same time.

So here we are 5 months later. They are the happiest, and might I add cutest little guys I have ever laid eyes on ( biased? perhaps :). They are holding their heads, rolling, laughing, and meeting all major milestones. They are almost sleeping through the night too! It's hard to believe that my hubby and I were up every two hours feeding them and drinking coffee at 2 am.....it seems like it was so long ago. My brain is finally starting to function again, which is wonderful. My recall was awful and I was pretty sure I had early onset dementia...seriously.

Last Monday we made our two and a half hour hike down to the fertility center where it all began, I thanked Dr. Dodds and my favorite nurse, Sandy. Nurse Sandy gave me such encouragement and hope...if it were not for her, we may not have tried round three....so we are beyond thankful. There were lots of tears, hugs and pictures too. We collected our last embryo (the fertility clinic does not allow single embryo donations and deep down, I am not sure I could any way). My hubby and I had a little burial under my favorite Apple Blossom Tree....and it hit me hard. I lost it. I mourned for our little embryo, for our little angel babies, and for the four years of struggle. Our little family is complete. and for that we are so incredibly blessed. 

So my friends, if you are still reading....this is my final post. I pray that your struggle comes to an end and that you too get your little blessing or blessings. :)

xo

34 Weeks Pregnant

It seems as if we've been holding our breath..... each week further into this pregnancy is a huge milestone and more reassurance that this is really happening.

Well, the big belly should be proof itself. Each baby weighed a little over 5 pounds as of last week. That doesn't include placenta weight and fluid. I am all belly and each week it gets heavier and a little more trickier to perform simple tasks. If I drop something, it stays there (unless I am able to pick it up with my feet). Speaking of feet, they both swell up very quickly now and walking is proving to be more challenging as well, so is sleeping. I have Pupps (the rash) all over my belly and it's pretty awful. I've learned that if you are carrying multiples (check), carrying boys (check), and are carrying bigger babies (check), that you are more prone to getting this. There are some days that I want to rip my skin right off. Breathing has been difficult since week 18, so no change there. I am a happy kind of miserable right now. Super blessed to be in this position, blessed that overall it has been a great pregnancy ("textbook" pregnancy as my doctor likes to say), and blessed that in 3 weeks we get to meet our boys. Only 24 days..... It blows my mind. 

We are still praying for our friends who are still struggling and still have meds that we would love to give away. Again, feel free to contact me if you are interested. 

Xo

24 Weeks or 6 Months Pregnant :)

I've often read on other blogs that it is pretty easy to not update when things are going so well.....but I still read, think, and pray for everyone.

I am 24 weeks + 3 days as of today. I still can't believe it. There are times when my husband and I will stop and just stare at each other and say, "This is really happening"  and then giggle like little kids. What makes it more real is my growing belly. I am already huge and my sister continues to joke (seriously though), that I will be much bigger than her (and she is ready to pop any day now with baby # 2). The babies began kicking after our 21 week ultrasound, and their kicks and punches are getting more powerful. I asked my mom the other day if she wanted to feel the movement and she responded smiling, "That's okay, I can see it." I looked down to find that she was right, you can see them beating me up....and it's pretty awesome.

So far everything has been going pretty well. In the beginning I could not eat meat and had horrible migraines. Thanks to drinking plenty of fluids, the migraines are no more and now I want to eat everything in my path. I also have horrible heartburn at times, but milk and a teaspoon of extra virgin coconut oil daily really helps. I try to stay active by walking a half a mile or more every day. It doesn't seem like a lot, but with the extra belly weight it's difficult to breathe and I am already finding myself out of breath over simple tasks. Over the weekend I woke up to a numb and swollen left foot/ankle. I was terrified. All I kept thinking was that I would be put on bed rest or that I had a blood clot. An ultrasound at the hospital confirmed that all is well....that baby A is sitting on my major vein. Today, back to normal again! Phew!

The nursery is coming along and we have officially registered for our baby shower (many thanks to current mamas and twin mamas for the advice). I'm definitely getting more excited and less nervous as each week passes. Even more exciting is the fact that both of my sisters are also pregnant and we are all due within three months of each other. It was a little hard to hear at first, that they were able to get pregnant so easily and so quickly, while we struggled for so hard and so long. BUT, just picturing the four of them being able to grow up together.....well, it just makes me smile.

Also, I was going through my "IVF drawer" and discovered that I still have a bunch of meds and needles of various sizes. I would love to find someone who could really use these, they're not cheap and I hate to see them go to waste. If you read this and you're interested in my supply, leave a comment below. I would love to give them to you.

Until next time....

:)

VERY Pregnant

Let me rewind here.

The day before our first beta, I threw in the towel. I had a long talk with the big guy upstairs, bawling my eyes out, snot running down my face, ugly cry kinda talk. I told him that I accept and understand, that I will be fine with whatever the outcome. Round 3 had officially taken its toll on me. Emotionally and physically, I was drained. The hormones were throwing me all over the place, I hadn't felt one single pregnancy symptom, and I was positive that I fried the little guys while getting a massage on a heated blanket (stupid me.....although a nurse I spoke with later said this could have helped with implantation). Anyway, I had given up and told the hubby...begged the hubby to stop my shots. I just couldn't do it anymore. He said one more day, "lets see what the results say."

Unbeknown to him, my sister had given me her remaining pregnancy test, and I took it the very next morning right when I woke up. This felt, in some weird way, like I was in control of something. Like I had the ability to know the outcome before I was told by someone else. This whole process has shown me what little control over anything that I have, so I peed on the damn stick. And waited. And paced. And then after the longest three minutes, stood there in shock. In the first time in almost four years, I had my very first positive pregnancy test. The hubby was sleeping when I jumped in the bed and showed him. We just sat there, smiling and shocked.

The biggest shock came just four hours later when our nurse called to tell us congratulations, that I am, "very pregnant." Our beta at 10dp2dt was 315! Four days later, at 14dp2dt our beta was a whopping 3,125. The nurse shared that she had never seen a number that high and that it could indicate multiples. I ran downstairs and shared the news with the hubby and we just laughed and laughed. Was this real?!?!?

So the next two weeks, I spent googling other betas and comparing numbers. To be honest, I rarely found any beta numbers similar to mine, and became convinced (and terrified) that I was, no doubt, carrying quadruplets. I was convinced that both embryos took, and split.  At our ultrasound I was a nervous wreck and could not stop shaking....from excitement and fear. On the screen, I watched as they located baby A and then baby B. Twins!!!!!! We had always dreamed of having twins. Our family would now be complete. 

So here I am, week 14 and I still cannot believe it. WE still cannot believe it. We've had 3 ultrasounds and have watched as they have grown from little dots, to tadpole looking like creatures, to actual human beings. At our last appointment, we watched as they arched their backs, did karate kicks, and even a flip. Active little guys.....it was so exciting to watch.

Overall, I feel good. My morning sickness came at night, which was perfect since I needed to teach during the day. That has subsided and now I deal with headaches and migraines, but we are managing. I am very thankful to be in this position and yet, a part of me is constantly worrying that all of this will fall apart. I'm hoping that as my belly continues to grow, that these horrible thoughts will fade....

Until then, I pray for me and our little ones..... And of course, I pray for you. 

:)

P.S. I began writing this post 3 weeks ago...and posted this finally on 10/18/2015

It's Go Time!

Last week I had my ultrasound and learned that my lining is 10 mm thick (my nurse said it can range from as little as 6mm thick), so we are ready to go. Friday was my last Lupron shot and I am thankful! No more bruising! No more hot flashes! We also began the dreaded progesterone shot, but its all kind of routine now. The one good thing is that we wake up early, ice my behind, the hubby gives me the shot, and then he massages the injection site before we fall back to sleep....and I don't have to think about shots for the rest of the day. It makes me feel kind of normal....kind of. I'm down to two estradiol pills a day now and Zithromax & Medrol are taken at night to help fight off infection.

Today I had my very last acupuncture appointment.....and it felt heavenly. Very relaxing. So that's where we are at. Tomorrow we make the drive down state for our transfer at 10:30. I've had a couple of people ask me how I'm feeling (we've told less people this time.....maybe a handful of folks) and I'm hopeful.

 We are hopeful.

Thanks for the love & prayers.

:-)

The Infertility Game

A little infertility humor for you, because sometimes you just have to laugh.

Rollercoaster

That's what I feel like I'm on.....a rollercoaster.

One minute I'm on top of the world and the next minute, I'm coasting quickly to the bottom. I'm happy, then I'm sad. These hormones are not fun. Add to the mix; Estrace (more estrogen) twice a day. I started taking these pills last Saturday and will be upping my dose to three times a day on Wednesday. I would love to say that I am not suffering from side effects of the hormones, but I am. Migraines and hot flashes have become my new BFF's and they won't seem to leave me alone. Over the weekend, it wiped me out completely....two days of hell and canceled plans. I finally had to break down and turn on the Central Air. BUT, it could be worse as there are a lot of side effects and some a lot worse than what I am experiencing. Don't even think about Googling them mom. Just don't.

Today is one of those days where I can cry over everything.....it's awful. I hate feeling mopey and down. Especially, since coming off the high of our last two fun-filled weeks. I have feelings that I know I should not have; a little bit of jealousy mixed in with some good old fashion bitterness. But, I am human.....

My friend recently informed me that she shared my blog with a friend of hers that is about to begin the IVF process. If you are reading, I wish you and your husband the best of luck. It's a crazy ride and you will indeed, wonder if you are crazy. You're not. People will say the wrong things and you may secretly want to punch them in the face. Forgive them. They have no idea what you are going through unless they have walked in your shoes. Surround yourself with a great support system, because it's nice to be able to lean on someone other than your husband all the time (because this process will be hard for him too).

Speaking of husband....last night he crawled into bed and gave me lots of snuggles. At one point he even whispered to me, "I love us." How lucky am I? So maybe my hormones aren't showing too much after all?  ;-)

15 days til our transfer.
I'll take any prayers for us and our embryos.