It has been almost 5 months since our little guys were born..... I am
currently watching them sleep peacefully next to each other. Two little
blessings. It has been insanely busy since their arrival. There are
some days when I am unable to get out of my robe (currently wearing) or
even remember to brush my teeth (remembered today).
Their birth story....
My
hubby and I were watching The Bachelor....watching Ben Higgins make
poor life choices (JoJo I thought was the obvious choice ;) and I had
noticed that my tummy was tightening. That was it. Everyone kept telling
me that I would 'just know' when I was in labor. I then started to time
everything......my tummy was tightening for 1 minute every six minutes.
As a first time pregnant lady, I had no idea what this meant. I called
the hospital and was told that my phone call would be returned. An hour
passed. My hubby and I considered going to bed...it was almost 11 pm at
this point, and the idea sounded lovely. However, my instincts were
telling me that something was not right, so I called the hospital again
and waited for the midwife to call me back. When she did, I told her
about my tightening, and she told me that it would not be a bad idea to
come in and get checked out. So we hopped in the car, without our
hospital bag, because we assumed that we would be heading home later.
Boy, were we were wrong. We arrived around 1 am and within a half hour
of getting there, they informed me that our boys would be delivered
within the next hour. At this point, I was terrified and began
crying....I was only 35 weeks! Would our boys be okay? We were assured
they would be.
An hour later (like the doctors had
said) we were rolled into the operating room for a c-section. Baby B was
breech, but we had long before decided on a c-section. At this point I
was pretty doped up, crying, watching out of the corner of my eye all
the nurses, doctors, and others help prepare as they tugged on my
insides (it was such an odd feeling). Before we knew it, Baby A was
delivered at 2:22 am weighing over 5 lbs and Baby B was delivered at
2:24 am weighing in at 6 lbs. Good size babies! I quickly got to see
them both for a brief moment, to get a family photo, before they whisked
them away from me. An alarm rang and I listened to the hustle and
bustle of the professionals as they informed me that all was alright,
but Baby B had to be taken to the NICU : his lungs were wet and he was
unable to breathe on his own. I was devastated.
The
four days that we spent at the hospital were a blur. I was in so much
pain, drugged up, and crying the entire time. It was hard to have one
baby in your arms and the other down the hall hooked up to a machine. I
felt extreme guilt. I was constantly wheeled back and forth because I
could not fathom the idea of not being near my other little guy.
Luckily, Baby B was a champ. The next day he began to breathe on his own
and ripped the C-Pap out with his tiny fingers. The doctors were
impressed, but our new problem was that he could not eat on his own.
So,
our little one spent 10 days in the NICU. I knew that he was in good
hands, but the extreme guilt and sadness was overwhelming. I cried all
the time....especially since I was only able to visit twice (the drive
was far, my c-section healing was not going so well, and I did not want
to travel in our Michigan weather with a newborn...especially into a
hospital). Luckily, my hubby was able to go every day to hang out and
take care of him. Most days he got there at 8 am and left after our
baby's last tube feeding. The nurses taught him how to take his
temperature, feed, change his diaper, and even hold on to our little
one, which was a little tricky will all of the tubes and wires he was
hooked up to. I was happy that he was getting physical contact and my hubby learned a lot from our amazing nurses, to the point where he was
giving me advice on how to change diapers, feed and even burp them. It
was cute and annoying at the same time.
So here we are 5
months later. They are the happiest, and might I add cutest little guys I
have ever laid eyes on ( biased? perhaps :). They are holding their
heads, rolling, laughing, and meeting all major milestones. They are
almost sleeping through the night too! It's hard to believe that my
hubby and I were up every two hours feeding them and drinking coffee at 2
am.....it seems like it was so long ago. My brain is finally starting to
function again, which is wonderful. My recall was awful and I was pretty
sure I had early onset dementia...seriously.
Last Monday
we made our two and a half hour hike down to the fertility center where
it all began, I thanked Dr. Dodds and my favorite nurse, Sandy. Nurse
Sandy gave me such encouragement and hope...if it were not for her, we
may not have tried round three....so we are beyond thankful. There were
lots of tears, hugs and pictures too. We collected our last embryo (the
fertility clinic does not allow single embryo donations and deep down, I
am not sure I could any way). My hubby and I had a little burial under
my favorite Apple Blossom Tree....and it hit me hard. I lost it. I
mourned for our little embryo, for our little angel babies, and for the
four years of struggle. Our little family is complete. and for that we are so incredibly blessed.
So
my friends, if you are still reading....this is my final post. I pray
that your struggle comes to an end and that you too get your little
blessing or blessings. :)
xo
