Our Journey For A Little One

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Our 35 Week Birth Story

It has been almost 5 months since our little guys were born..... I am currently watching them sleep peacefully next to each other. Two little blessings. It has been insanely busy since their arrival. There are some days when I am unable to get out of my robe (currently wearing) or even remember to brush my teeth (remembered today).

Their birth story....

My hubby and I were watching The Bachelor....watching Ben Higgins make poor life choices (JoJo I thought was the obvious choice ;) and I had noticed that my tummy was tightening. That was it. Everyone kept telling me that I would 'just know' when I was in labor. I then started to time everything......my tummy was tightening for 1 minute every six minutes. As a first time pregnant lady, I had no idea what this meant. I called the hospital and was told that my phone call would be returned. An hour passed. My hubby and I considered going to bed...it was almost 11 pm at this point, and the idea sounded lovely. However, my instincts were telling me that something was not right, so I called the hospital again and waited for the midwife to call me back. When she did, I told her about my tightening, and she told me that it would not be a bad idea to come in and get checked out. So we hopped in the car, without our hospital bag, because we assumed that we would be heading home later. Boy, were we were wrong. We arrived around 1 am and within a half hour of getting there, they informed me that our boys would be delivered within the next hour. At this point, I was terrified and began crying....I was only 35 weeks! Would our boys be okay? We were assured they would be.

An hour later (like the doctors had said) we were rolled into the operating room for a c-section. Baby B was breech, but we had long before decided on a c-section. At this point I was pretty doped up, crying, watching out of the corner of my eye all the nurses, doctors, and others help prepare as they tugged on my insides (it was such an odd feeling). Before we knew it, Baby A was delivered at 2:22 am weighing over 5 lbs and Baby B was delivered at 2:24 am weighing in at 6 lbs. Good size babies! I quickly got to see them both for a brief moment, to get a family photo, before they whisked them away from me. An alarm rang and I listened to the hustle and bustle of the professionals as they informed me that all was alright, but Baby B had to be taken to the NICU : his lungs were wet and he was unable to breathe on his own. I was devastated.

The four days that we spent at the hospital were a blur. I was in so much pain, drugged up, and crying the entire time. It was hard to have one baby in your arms and the other down the hall hooked up to a machine. I felt extreme guilt. I was constantly wheeled back and forth because I could not fathom the idea of not being near my other little guy. Luckily, Baby B was a champ. The next day he began to breathe on his own and ripped the C-Pap out with his tiny fingers. The doctors were impressed, but our new problem was that he could not eat on his own. 

So, our little one spent 10 days in the NICU. I knew that he was in good hands, but the extreme guilt and sadness was overwhelming. I cried all the time....especially since I was only able to visit twice (the drive was far, my c-section healing was not going so well, and I did not want to travel in our Michigan weather with a newborn...especially into a hospital).  Luckily, my hubby was able to go every day to hang out and take care of him. Most days he got there at 8 am and left after our baby's last tube feeding. The nurses taught him how to take his temperature, feed, change his diaper, and even hold on to our little one, which was a little tricky will all of the tubes and wires he was hooked up to. I was happy that he was getting physical contact and my hubby learned a lot from our amazing nurses, to the point where he was giving me advice on how to change diapers, feed and even burp them. It was cute and annoying at the same time.

So here we are 5 months later. They are the happiest, and might I add cutest little guys I have ever laid eyes on ( biased? perhaps :). They are holding their heads, rolling, laughing, and meeting all major milestones. They are almost sleeping through the night too! It's hard to believe that my hubby and I were up every two hours feeding them and drinking coffee at 2 am.....it seems like it was so long ago. My brain is finally starting to function again, which is wonderful. My recall was awful and I was pretty sure I had early onset dementia...seriously.

Last Monday we made our two and a half hour hike down to the fertility center where it all began, I thanked Dr. Dodds and my favorite nurse, Sandy. Nurse Sandy gave me such encouragement and hope...if it were not for her, we may not have tried round three....so we are beyond thankful. There were lots of tears, hugs and pictures too. We collected our last embryo (the fertility clinic does not allow single embryo donations and deep down, I am not sure I could any way). My hubby and I had a little burial under my favorite Apple Blossom Tree....and it hit me hard. I lost it. I mourned for our little embryo, for our little angel babies, and for the four years of struggle. Our little family is complete. and for that we are so incredibly blessed. 

So my friends, if you are still reading....this is my final post. I pray that your struggle comes to an end and that you too get your little blessing or blessings. :)

xo